


She's A Whole Sound

by vassilissa



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, F/M, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Post-War
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-30
Updated: 2015-12-30
Packaged: 2018-05-10 11:10:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 854
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5583580
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vassilissa/pseuds/vassilissa
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It could never be <i>this</i>— This <i>indescribable</i> thing that erupts in his chest every time she kisses his ring-covered fingers.</p><p> </p><p>It could never be, because— Because she isn’t <i>hiding</i> him. Because she hasn’t fucked him over —hasn’t fucked his <i>heart</i> over, not once— and it’s been long months that have passed by in bloody seconds and he feels like—</p>
            </blockquote>





	She's A Whole Sound

**Author's Note:**

> I want to start writing more Marauder fics. 
> 
> Enjoy! x

 

Sirius _hates_ Marlene McKinnon.

 

It’s a hate that reaches deep in his gut, fills his lungs with fire and makes him cough ashes.

 

He hates her, because he is one thing and he cannot be another. He _cannot_.

 

But, of course, there goes Lily fucking Evans befriending _girls_ left and right, bringing them to meet Peter and Remus and—

 

And James. James—

 

Then she brings the McKinnon girl, right? And she’s—

 

She is—

 

She’s hot. She’s fucking _beautiful_.

 

She’s shoulder-length blonde hair and long tanned legs and full, rosy lips and amber eyes—

 

She’s soft, breathy whispers and kitten-like smiles and high-waisted _everything_ —

 

Sirius is one thing and he cannot— He _can’t_ fucking _be_ —

 

But he is when he sees her. So, naturally, he hates her.

 

Naturally, he hasn’t wanted _anything_ the way he wants _her_.

 

And that’s when everything goes to Hell.

 

* * *

 

 

James notices.

 

James is a thing that _changes_ , an uncertain possibility, something out of an arms length grasp.

 

James is a _weakness_ and a false promise and Sirius’ fucking—

 

He’s every wrong _decision_ Sirius has ever made.

 

Because they can lay in couches all they want, they can kiss before a door opens so it doesn’t feel like such a secret Sirius can’t even sleep at night, they can fuck like rabbits every fucking day, but the truth of the matter is—

 

James is in _love_ with Lily fucking _Evans_. James plans on marrying _Lily_ fucking _Evans_.

 

And that’s why Sirius can’t be another. Sirius has to be only _one_ thing, so all of this —all of his _life_ — isn’t such a fucking _lie_.

 

So he can stay true to _himself_ , at least, if everything else is so unremarkably fucked up.

 

That’s when the McKinnon girl comes.

 

* * *

 

Marlene feels like how sea waves crash onto the shore sound like.

 

She’s a _whole_ sound.

 

Sirius hadn’t even realised he’d been lost, until she smiled at him.

 

Sirius is twenty four years old and he hadn’t even—

 

He hadn’t _realised_.

 

* * *

 

James never blinks.

 

Remus leaves the room, shaking his head.

 

Peter mutters _fuck_ loudly enough to feel embarrassed.

 

Lily just stares. A lot.

 

Marlene stretches like a cat would and grins at all of them. She’s _naked_.

 

Sirius lights a cigarette, eyes never leaving James’ face.

 

He looks ready to _die_.

 

* * *

 

“Do you think that. . . maybe you should _tell_ him?” she asks, sprawled on his king-sized bed, smoking _his_ cigarette.

 

“Tell whom what?” There are pale freckles splashed all over her back and on her shoulders. Sirius counts and counts again, because he can’t seem to get them right.

 

“James. Tell James that he fucked you over. That you love him still. _Despite_.”

 

Sirius doesn't get it.

 

Sirius doesn’t get how could she have understood it, when friends he’s had his whole life haven’t.

 

He fucking _doesn’t_.

 

So he smirks at her. Stops counting the fallen stars on her body, and kisses her shoulder blade.

 

“You’re my revenge.”

 

“Am I _enough_?”

 

Her waist is so small, his arms almost wrap around it two times.

 

“You’re more than enough,” he whispers on her skin.

 

He thinks he sees flowers bloom where his breath falls over.

 

* * *

 

“I get it, you know.” James tells him when one of the parties they go to is over.

 

“I _get_ it.”

 

Sirius drapes his feet in the cool water of the pool. Looks into the pitch black nothingness that unwraps in the horizon, and notices the resemblance between the street lights and Marlene’s star-like eyes.

 

He thinks, _yeah, I think I get it too_.

 

* * *

 

“You’re fucking late, aren’t you Prongs?”

 

* * *

 

Sirius will never get over the suffocating feeling he felt when James went to kiss him.

 

It’s like something broke between them. Like an invisible string got cut and neither of them noticed.

 

It’s been months since he last touched him, since he last felt him underneath his fingertips and that’s okay.

 

That is _okay_.

 

He thinks all he ever needed was a Marlene to come whisk him away.

 

He realises how ridiculous that sounds.

 

He thinks that it’s entirely true.

 

* * *

 

Marlene likes blood red lipstick. It doesn’t suit her and she fucking hates it on her, but she _likes_ it. She wears it all day long.

 

She has a gap in her teeth and she always likes to click her tongue on it, because the sound it makes causes her to laugh.

 

She also has a thing with fake eyelashes, Sirius doesn’t know.

 

Sirius has no fucking idea.

 

Marlene McKinnon is a mess of a girl.

 

Marlene McKinnon is a _supernova_.

 

* * *

 

Sirius Black is fucking in _love_ with her.

 

It’s not the same as it was with— With _him_. With James.

 

It’s not. It could never be _this_ — This _indescribable_ thing that erupts in his chest every time she kisses his ring-covered fingers.

 

It could never be, because— Because she isn’t _hiding_ him. Because she hasn’t fucked him over —hasn’t fucked his _heart_ over, not once— and it’s been long months that have passed by in bloody seconds and he feels like—

 

 _It_ _feels_ like—

 

Like it will _never_ stop.

 

He thinks that maybe that’s fine this time.

 

 

 


End file.
